Mom guilt, Tips and Trips: Middle School & Social Media
by Veronica Vante, Contributing Writer
School is back in session. Senior Hija, my 12-year-old daughter, is now a seventh grader. Two weeks in and she seems content so far. Less rigidity. More independence. She gets to walk from class to class without a chauffeur. Pocket books and clear lip gloss are permitted. The locker has been available to use since the first day, and she may keep her cell phone on but on vibrate mode....
How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 16 years old, in college, and I purchased my own cell phone. I also paid my own bill. It was a black Motorola StarTac. My best friend at the time had one, and of course, I wanted to have one too. It was such a popular item back in my day with limited capabilities. Times have changed.
I bought Senior HIja a cell phone after her 11th birthday. I wish I never bought it. One moment in the books for parent regret.
She guilted me into purchasing it because of course, all of her friends had a phone already. Every day, every opportunity she talked about not having a cell phone and why I should buy her one. I gave in because I did not want to hear about it anymore. I thought I could use it as a bargaining tool. The amount of work I have added to my plate since this purchase has caused me lots of moments of frustration.
The first phone I purchased for Senior Hija was a smart phone but on the lower end of popularity spectrum amongst the preteens. It was not long before she expressed interest in receiving an upgrade. It was a basic phone but nothing fancy like her second phone, the IPhone 5S. These children, my children, are privileged brats! The nerve that I am buying you a smartphone and adding a bill to my budget, and you are being picky?! The nerve. But, I am to blame. I am the parent who has raised a child to have all I thought I did not have, all that I thought I was missing. Yep, that has been me.
Resentment started to “runneth over”, as I realized she was interested in the capabilities of this cell phone; more than her own capabilities to be an outstanding student. Study extra and longer? Read a book? I was sadly mistaken. This is my “jock” child who needs constant motivation to stay on track academically but athletically, she is a natural. When she is motivated to be academically inclined, she makes wonderful grades. Let her decide she needs a mental break, and her grades and I will suffer.
At her age, I read lots of books. I did not have a cell phone or a computer. I was focused on being the teacher’s pet and all my grades were exceptional. So, having a child who is my polar opposite in the academic’s realm is challenging. I do not understand why she does not like reading books, and why she does not like to study. Those are the easiest and most relaxing things to do in this world, (says an antisocial mom with introvert tendencies).
Bigger than the cell phone, is social media access. I initially allowed her to have a few social media apps that turned out to make my frustrations rage like a wild fire. As a responsible parent, you owe it to your family and everyone else to help your child use the cell phone and social media responsibly. If you do not have time to be a stalker, do not allow your child to guilt you the way mine guilted me. It has turned into constant monitoring that I do not care for but, I believe it's a must. Senior Hija has made attempts to make good decisions but peer pressure is REAL and saying NO, is hard.
These days we have to deal with cursing and the exchange of naked pictures in this generation unlike ever before. I know I need to enforce some major restrictions.
Now, she has a cell phone she barely wants to use anymore. It’s still a smart phone but smartly working for her and I. I enabled an option to restrict downloading apps and erasing apps unless a password is used that only I have. I have added this restriction to my tablets as well and she is only allowed to use my personal computer when supervised. I have many battles to pick from and I no longer want this to be one.
The same night I added restrictions is the same night she found a book in my junk pile. She has been loving every bit of it. It was not a book I cared for anymore, but it has been working for her. This lets me know that maybe we have not been picking the rights books for her personal pleasure. But, I will take a win anywhere I can get it.
